DALLAS COWBOYS OFFICE NEWS
RELEASE: NEW FREE AGENT SIGNINGS
Due to the many injuries to starters in training camp this
year
the Cowboy's have had to look to the slim pickings left in the
free
agent market. The following is a list of those free agents recently
signed:
Wayfroy P. Jackson: 6'6", 215 lbs. Wide Receiver.
Hottest
prospect from Arkansas in the last ten years.
Loves music.
Will demand a mini-cassette in his helmet. Holds world record
for the most "you knows" during an interview (62 in
one minute).
Wayfroy can print his complete name.
Cletis Quinticious Jenkins: 6'3", 220 lbs. Running
Back. Set
state scoring record out of Backwater College,
Backwater, N.C. Also led the state in burglaries, but has
only 9
convictions. He has been clocked at 4.2
seconds in the 40 yard dash with a 19" TV under each
arm.
Roosevelt "Dude" Dansell: 6'1", 195 lbs.
Running Back. From
Tyler, Texas. Has processed hair and imitates Billy Dee Williams
very well. Before he signed, he wanted the Cowboys to change colors
to chartreuse and pink. Listed his church preference as "red
brick".
Woodrow Lee Washington: 6'8", 310 lbs. Tackle. From
a 3rd
generation welfare family. At 24 he's the oldest of 21 children.
Mother claims Woodrow and child number 9 have same father. He
has a
manslaughter trial pending, but feels he will be found innocent
because "The dude said something bad 'bout my Mamma."
On his
entrance form, he listed his I.Q. as 20-20.
Willie "Night Train" Smith: 6'4", 225 lbs.
Quarterback. Born on
an Amtrak train. Birth certificate indicates he is 27 years old.
Thinks
the G on Greenbay's helmets stands for "green cheese",
but still
meets the Cowboys stringent intelligence requirements. Insists
on wearing number 32 jersey since it matches his score on his
College Entrance Exam.
Tyrone "Python" Peoples: 6'10", 228 lbs.
Wide Receiver. Has a
pending paternity suit and two rape trials, but hopes none of
his
other 9 victims will file charges. Likes women and Cadillacs.
Thinks
Taco Bell is the Mexican Telephone Company.
Abdul Hasheen Abba Ali: 6'10", 305 lbs. Guard.
Played college
ball under the name Sylvester LeRoy Jones. Abdul thinks Sherlock
Holmes is a housing project in Houston. Doesn't know the meaning
of the word "fear". (Doesn't know the meaning of many
other words
either.)
The Dallas Cowboys are still optimistic of having a winning
season
this year. They have installed an alarm in the endzone that will
go off
behind their kick returner. This has proved very effective in
practice.